End of my SAHM career

Soon, very soon (13 days to exact), my short stint of a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) career would have ended. Excluding the 2 weeks of leave before Shyan's birth, I would have had a 19-week full-time job as a Mom by the time I go back to work on Jan 7th. I feel fortunate to have been able to have this time with Shyan, though I certainly will not mind if they really changed the policy to a 6-mth maternity leave.

Life as a SAHM is simple. There is really only one purpose and goal - look after Shyan well. What this goal encompasses is not a lot either; if you count, there are only two items -
1) feeding her well (latch-on, pump milk, wash bottles/pump parts, make sure I'm eating well so that the breast milk I'm feeding her is nutritious enough,)
2) make sure she's clean (bathe and diaper changing)
but in order to accomplish them, I am left with two injured wrists, backache and panda eyes.

There is no scorecard too, no KPI. No bonus, no increment, no salary. I realize it's a conscience thing. There was this one night when she was crying. I was sleep deprived and did not know what she wanted and I said some things to her angrily (it doesn't really matter what you say since babies don't understand; they only recognize the tone of voice). I can't remember how that particular night ended but I remember the guilt I felt the next morning. There is no reason to be harsh to a 1-mth plus baby! What this translates to is having to think through every little action and word, fearing the sense of guilt for losing my temper or worse, displaying bad behavior (in case she follows).

Simple management rules tell you - without measurable results and compensation, nobody will enjoy what they are doing or be motivated to do their best. Am I motivated to do my best? Surprisingly, yes.  Did I enjoy it? Amazingly, I sure did.

Perhaps the compensation in this case is -
* a simple smile or an occasional cackle which is as valuable as your pay-check.
* the satisfaction when you see her outgrowing her clothes or her responding to you when you call her name
* the autonomy of having no boss

又或许这就是传说中的母爱。

Regardless, I'm treasuring this time with her, knowing I will not never have this amount of quality time with her once this leave is over.